Pick up Lines

Greatest collection of pick up lines:

1. Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there’s nothing else like you!
2. Your place or mine?
3. I don’t know you, but I think I love you already.
4. Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then
5. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
6. Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
7. You should be someone’s wife.
8. Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too
9. You’re like pizza. Even when you’re bad, you’re good.
10. You must be the cause of global warming!
11. How much does a polar bear weigh? [I don't know, how much?] Just enough to break the ice. Hi my name is ____
12. Do you have a quarter? [Why?] I told my boyfriend/Girlfriend that I would call him/her when I found someone better.
13. I think I feel like Richard Gere – I’m standing next to you, the Pretty Woman
14. Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie” . . . ’till you can find a rock!
15. Mothers are biological necessity, fathers are social inventions.
16. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste
17. Dont steal, government hates competition ..
18. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them..
19. I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex…worst 15 minutes of my life..
20. I don’t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times..
21. Earth first. We’ll screw up the other planets later..
22. I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
23. The word ‘Politics’ is derived from the word ‘Poly’, meaning ‘Many’ and the word ‘ticks’ meaning blood sucking parasites.
24. Keep talking…..someday u will say something intelligent.
25. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
26. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t..
27. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
28. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
29. If at first u dont suceed then ,skydiving definitely isn’t for u..!!
30. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!
31. What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!!
32. The rich get richer and the poor get children..
33. It takes one woman twenty years to make a man out of her son and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool out of him..
34. If u keep ur feet firmly on the ground , you’ll have trouble putting on your pants…
35. Gravity is bullshit basically earth sucks(anonymous)..
36. Opinions are like armpits ; everyone has two of them , and most of the time they stink !!!
37. It’s very easy to love mankind ; But it’s difficult to love a man..
38. Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
39. The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for
40. Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you’ve got a pretty neck.
41. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck..
42. Life in VACUUM…………SUCKSSSSSS
43. I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart..
44. His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.
45. Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children..
46. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
47. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
48. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.
49. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
50. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love
51. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
52. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
53. God gave us a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
54. If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
55. When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how the hell you did it.
56. Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot.
57. I am lost. I have gone to find myself, if I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
58. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
59. Don’t go knocking on death’s door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that!!!!!
60. You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate
61. people like you are the reason we have middle fingers
62. B.I.T.C.H – Beautiful Invidual That Creates Hell
63. I love you has eight letters, and so does bulls**t
64. Confucius say: to meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl is better.
65. WhEn A mAn TaLkS dIrTy To A wOmAn, ItS sExUaL hArAsSmEnT, wHeN a WoMaN tAlKs DiRtY tO a MaN, iT’s $3.95 PeR mInUtE
66. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer
67. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it
68. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?
69. “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
70. POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Cops have nothing to go on
71. Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
72. My favorite text message: “I’ll be there in 5 minutes…if not, read this again.”
73. Today I noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water. I bet he’s not laughing out loud anymore
74. Our health teacher told us that “1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die.” The other two apparently became immortal.
75. A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted
76. A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
77. When you’re ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring far longer than usual.
78. If the sea was vodka and I was a duck I would swim to the bottom and never come up… But the sea is not vodka and im not a duck so pass the bottle and shut the f*** up!
79. Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years
80. having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool
81. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
82. Nice one- “Why has the US stopped printing the Pamela Anderson Stamp? Because guys keep licking the wrong side
83. Heard this today, made me laugh: “Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking
84. Want to drive someone crazy? Put them in a round room and tell them to sleep in the corner!
85. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom
86. When people ask “What 3 things would you take with you on a desert island”, why doesn’t anyone say a boat?
87. I’m so old they’ve canceled my blood type
88. Shiiiiit, look who’s online…LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT…”Hey whats up?”…damn!
89. I thought ‘Deep Throat’ was a movie about a giraffe.
90. a picture speaks a thousand words…
    but with photo shop,it tells a thousand lies…
91. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.
92. How many roads must a man walk down, before he admits he is lost?
93. Don’t be afraid – I’m right behind you…using you as a shield.
94. Guys are like underwear…. you can live without them but it feels kinda weird…haha!
95. Dear Math, I’m tired of searching for your X.. She’s not coming back, get over it!
96. Silence is golden…
    But duct tape is silver
97. I hate having nothing to do. It gets me thinking too much.
98. i wish u were here…in my room…on my bed…with the lights off..under the blanket…so i can show u my new watch that glows in the dark!!
99. Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can’t even spell
100. God made Heaven and Earth, and the rest was made in China