A Condensed Version of History

A Condensed Version of History  By unknown



For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed
version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains  during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in  the
winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and

2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into  two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required  grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor  aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around  waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's  how villages
were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and  killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the  beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less  skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the  nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was  the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually  evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements  include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs,  and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer  that
conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be  symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer ( with  lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat  raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are  standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of  their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social  workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and  group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They  eat red meat and s till provide
for their women. Conservatives are big- game  hunters , rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical  doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and  generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire  other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They  like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production.  Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why  most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to   America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of  trying
to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world  history.......

It should be noted that a Liberal may  have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding  it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be  so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded  immediately to other
true believers and to more liberals just to piss them  off....